Stop Comparing and Start Relating

For the past month, I have heard some of the most compelling sermons that I have heard in a long time. Several focused on how important it is to stop comparing our circumstances to others. It makes me wonder, are the messages better than usual, or is my heart more open.

Truth be told, it’s probably both!

As I’m up earlier than usual this morning, two thoughts have melded together from these recent sermons and podcasts.

First, no matter your age, comparison will swoop in and try to steal our joy in relationships. And secondly, relating to others really does bring about authentic fellowship. Can you see how these two ideas go hand in hand?

Our world has become a place with less relationship and more comparison, and there is definitely a correlation.

As Christians, we do want to stand our as sojourners here, unrelatable to the world and Satan’s ideas. But it doesn’t mean we don’t make an effort to relate to others and their circumstances. It also doesn’t mean that we don’t crave rea friendships.

Can You Relate?

Relating simply means to make a connection. To do that, it seems like we first have to show genuine interest in others around us. Just like Jesus did. He continues to do that through the Holy Spirit and by hearing our prayers.

A Simple Example

I always find it funny when someone introduces themself, but then let’s you know they they are terrible with names and probably won’t remember yours. You almost feel compelled to say, ” Yeah, I won’t remember yours either.” You both laugh then go on about your day. This happens a lot at church, which hits me as more sad than funny.

But every so often, you’ll meet someone who shakes your hand, looks you in the eye, and repeats your name. You know they are making an effort to remember you. And it means something. This rare breed of humans are truly trying to connect, and they care. You get the feeling they might even put a note in their phone to help them remember your name!

Comparison Corrupts the Connections

Comparison, on the other hand, can lead to avoidance and inner turmoil. Satan is at the center of it to be sure. Whether it’s a lifelong friend or a new acquaintance, it is incredibly easy to start comparing, feeling “less than” or “not enough”.

Also, I can look for all kinds of excuses for why it’s okay to feel this way. Why I have a right to be angry, jealous, threatened or insecure. Do you find yourself justifying the comparisons? It can be rooted in self-love.

• “My circumstances are different, even challenging.”
• “God hasn’t blessed me the way he has blessed them.”
• “I’ve walked a harder road.”
• “They come from a perfect family.”
• “They have gifts I don’t have.”

The list of excuses for the comparison game can get super long!

Then, our joy begins to disappear.

The relationships get weaker. Strained.

Satan starts winning.

Pride Comes Before a Comparison

Pride really drags us down. We search for status, thinking it will make us happier. Even James and John , two of Jesus closest companions, went looking for status. In Matthew chapter 20, they approached Jesus, with their mother, asking to sit on Jesus right and left side in the kingdom of heaven.

James and John were definitely seeking attention. They even managed to stir up jealousy among the other ten apostles who wanted the same for themselves.

I continue to fight these battles of comparison. If we’re honest, we all do. The example in Matthew tells us that none of us are exempt from this sin. Also, I think the only path to really authentic relationships is when we overcome comparisons through prayer and a heart really wanting to change. Tt can certainly be a harder battle for some than others. But no change can happen in our hearts if we don’t seek the Father and ask for his help.

How to Relate Instead of Compare

To fight comparing yourself to others, one thing is super helpful. Remember that in this life we will suffer. Probably more than we think we will James and John wanted the recognition without the cost of suffering. Doesn’t this sound familiar in our current times as well?

But, Jesus reminded the apostles in Matthew 20:22

"You do not know what you are asking.  Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?"  

Our lives won’t be better just because we have what someone else has. We will all suffer, each in our own way. Because we live in a broken world and there will always be things we wish were different in our lives. We have to humble ourselves and drink the cup we have been given.

God Is Sovereign

Do you fully trust in God’s sovereignty over your life? I admit that this is hard for me at times. Sometimes my path seems a lot harder than others. And to be honest, sometimes it is! But it’s not for me to question God’s plan. He’s the potter. I’m the clay. God doesn’t wish you or I were like someone else, or he would have made us that way. This is where you really have to dig into your faith and believe this truth.

The desire to question God and his providence doesn’t suddenly stop at a certain age of life. But as our faith grows, our acceptance and understanding grow.

Serving Leads to Relating

When you feel yourself falling into patterns of comparing, go serve! Serve in ways that are hard and out of your comfort zone. Give yourself in a way that requires God to help you because you know you can’t do it on your own. Serving others takes the self-centered focus off ourselves. Relationships grow as we turn our attention to God’s work. We can be truly happy for others and celebrate the good things God is doing in others lives.

When we submit ourselves to God’s service and do things that we “think” are beneath us, we become humble to God and his plans for us.

Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Matthew 20:28

As we stop comparing and start relating to others, we will be incredibly blessed.

Go suffer in joy!

You are precious in His sight,